Thursday, February 04, 2010

Had my 39 week appointment this afternoon. And...

I'm 3cm dilated and 80% effaced.

That silence? That is me as my eyes bug out of their sockets and my mouth catching flies.

The OB was surprisingly shocked and said that Avery's head is "very low" and at this point, we are just waiting on him to decide on his birthday. Do you think I could just walk into the hospital and ask for an epidural now?

Before leaving she mentioned that she is on call this weekend should I go into labor, and that she would not anticipate me being pregnant next week. But the thought of it happening so soon is surreal and weird. I mean, we are ready. The nursery is finished, the house is clean, projects are basically completed aside from the many thank you cards that I owe people. We have all the necessary items to take care of a newborn and more. The anticipation is killing me and at the same time- I am trying to savor my last moments as a pre-mom... But I'm still in shock. Utter shock.

So it's a good thing my bags are packed and ready to go..

I hope that my next update is the one we've all been waiting for. Until then, I guess I will wait earnestly and enjoy these last moments being the closest I'll ever be to my baby boy. As uncomfortable as it is to have a baby using my ribs as a chair, I never want to forget the sensation. I don't want to forget any of it. I wish I could bottle it up somehow so I can always be reminded of it. I want to meet him so badly but it is hard to think of letting it go and entering the next phase.

Will I be a good mom? Will I know what to do to fulfill his needs? It's all just so new and I know these worries are common at this point. I just want to do right by him and God and give him the life he deserves. For months I've worried so much of this pregnancy away.. Every ach and pain. Now, I want these memories to stay with me and not to ever fade. I want to enjoy it while it lasts.


Em Sat Feb 06, 08:08:00 AM  

You will be a wonderful mom. I can't even imagine the anticipation you're experiencing right now! Just know I'll be praying and I'm super excited.

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