Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The remote


You ever lose the remote control to the TV? I mean, for that brief moment in time there is nothing more important than finding that remote. For me, it is not so much being deprived of the opportunity to watch my shows, its more. It’s knowing that I simply do not have the authority over that dang television- the power struggle. There could be George W. knocking down my front door, but if I am in "remote controler finding" mode, than George would be on the waiting list. I think that says a lot about who I am. Sometimes I feel like I should be at a control anonymous meeting. “Hi, I’m Amber- and I am a controlaholic.”

Anyway-Our TV at home (before Rachel just bought the new one) was a unique one. You see, you could not do anything to the TV outside of using the remote. The off button, volume, and channel buttons all were disabled on the TV. so the remote was our only lifeline to the TV, and believe it or not, I lost the remote- a lot.

Today is one of those “I just lost the remote” days.

I woke up this morning late, ran to the office turned on my computer to find a little blue box that said, “Physical memory terminated”. I broke out into an instant sweat “delete, control alt delete, escape, off” my fingers were turning blue as I tapped away at my computer. All of my office files that I have stored for the past year began running through my head, my organizer, my grad school papers, all of my pictures. In an instant, they were gone.
That was my morning.

Later on today, I accessed my bank account to find a negative balance. It is life. It happened.

Sometimes you miscalculate your budget and have negative charges.
Sometimes your computer crashes.
Sometimes your homework is late.
Sometimes you lose control.

I am going to just lay it out. I am a mess of a person. Today- the realization was sobering. Control is an interesting concept for a Christian. Were taught most of our adolescence to not provide it to another person, we try to gain it, and once attained—Christ says “give it to me”.

“Give me your fears, your hopes, your miscalculated budget, and your crashed computer. Give me all of your mess and mistakes. Give me control.”

Today I have found comfort in knowing that I do not have the remote. I cannot control the volume or static channels of life. I just can’t.

But I know who does have the remote.

And I trust Him.


1 comments:

Em Wed Jul 18, 07:57:00 PM  

My dear, i know what you're talking about. I'm a total control freak. if it's not under my control, then it's not right. If it's not something that i'm doing, then it doesn't matter. I think that i can be really selfish in this way sometimes. I understand where you're coming from. I just wish that i could see before i'm about to freak out about not having control, but unfortunately, most of the time, i can not. This is pathetic for me. and it makes me realize that my relationship with christ does suffer because of my control issues. and that scares me

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