organizing isn't my strong suit.. BUT

I need to organize..

So life has been nothing short of EXTREME CHAOS..
at least that's the way it feels. So lately, I have been trying really hard to make life feel a little more organized. I will occasionally get on an organizational kick, and 9 times out of 10 it is when I'm internally feeling like a mess! So- I guess it's an outward attempt at cleaning inward too?? I don't know.

All I know is I sporadically called my husband on Friday and told him I was renting a carpet cleaning machine and we needed to clean ALL of the carpets... And then I was going to clean out the closets.. And that I needed to wash every linen in our house... and that the pantry and the fridge were in need of a deep cleaning. And Avery's room was unorganized and I needed to completely rearrange it. So I did. I did it all..

Mind you- I was battling a stomach bug this weekend too- but I think the busyness helped keep my mind off of my illness, and the everything.

Also, This week- I am going to work HARD on getting a healthier food plan together, and to stick to it. I've have had a weekly meal planner routine for awhile now. But, sometimes life happens, and the frozen nuggets in the freezer look a lot more tempting to make (5 min) than the home glazed/ baked ham, asperagus and salad(1.5 hrs) that was on the meal plan when you've worked all day.. So I will admit it, our diets have slacked. Justin has complained of gaining weight and I can't help but to feel a little guilty about that. On my end- for whatever reason, all of my crazy days of running have helped me in that department. I am officially 1 lb. below my pre-pregnancy weight.

So anyway- I am going to experiment with some new ways of organizing meals and see how it goes. There is something about a clean (more) organized enviornment that brings a new peace to ya. I seem to sleep better, to wake up more energized, to be a happier person altogether.. Especially in midst of crazy chaos in life.

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My Photo Book

Click here to view this photo book larger

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10 signs 30 is a'comin

So the other night Justin and I were flipping through the channels and then somhow landed on QVC. We are not QVC'ers and I guess I had always saw it as something that 'old' people watch.. So, we both found it amusing when we found ourselves calling in and making a purchase. Yes, I will admitt it, I shop on the home shopping network.

Since that happened, and now that I am going on 28 (and Justin will be 30 this year), I started to think about other little things about me that has changed since I am approaching the big 3-0.

Top 10 signs 30 is a'comin:

1. Your favorite clothing stores has evolved from the typical young Aeropostal/ American Eagle- to Banana Republic/ New York Co./ ANYTHING on sale at Khols... or just anything on sale period.

2. You're now much more thankful for how speed bumps slow those young punks down

3.You have tried to use the phrase "gettin jiggy with it" recently and had blank stares.

4. You actually remember taking a class in high school where we learned what the Internet was and how to use it. I remembering learning how to look up a web page and how to search for things. SERIOUSLY. That's how old I am, dudes! And floppy disks were actaully floppy ! I think that the floppy disks were when I was in elementary school, but still! I am pretty sure that I am going to tell my grandkids that.

5. When you try to entertain your 13 month old by doing a sommer sault you end up in pain. Seriously, I heard a crack..

6. If your up past 10 o'clock you feel like a party animal.

7. I remember a time in my teen years when a weekend with no plans was "horrible!!!" NOW-A weekend with no plans is BEYOND awesome.

8. I realize that in just a few short years I won't be invited to the "20 somes" group in church!

9. When we finally decided to go out to a movie, concert, etc. You leave about 10 minutes before the encore to "beat the rush"

10. You stop dreaming of hitting it big (winning money, becoming a disney star, muscian, olympic athlete, etc.,etc..) and start dreaming of having your son do it instead (haha, poor Avery)


Thoes are just a FEW that I could come up with. Are there anymore that you can think of?

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Dear Tony

Dear Tony Horton,

 

My husband and I decided to start P90X...again. You see, I tried it after my baby was born. I didn't make to day 90 though, I believe we reached day 40 and then realized that having a newborn crying all night, while having to work full-time  all day, and then come home and do the p90x thing wasn't going to mesh. BUT Even with only making it to day 40, I was able to lose 15lbs!

 

SO- with summer around the corner and with me approaching 30 I thought "let's do this....hardcore style. Forget these small workouts. Im doing the whole stinkin thing..yeeeeeeeah".. I was motivated to say the least.

 

That was 3 days ago.

 

we did the full abs workout. And the word "hurts" has taken a new meaning. It hurts to stand. It hurts to walk to the bathroom. It hurts to bend over to put in the P90X dvd. It hurts to pet the cat. It hurts to pick up my 30 lb. child that wants to hang off of me. It hurts to breath. it hurts to do the dishes... It hurts to roll over in bed.. It actually hurts so much that I thought for a moment that "this can't be normal- it just can't. Am I THAT out of shape? ".... And I only did the 15 minute ab workout.

 

So, Tony, I missed day 2 because I don't think I could have made it out of the door- today if I would have attempted it last night.. but I am going to try it tonight. *gulp*...............

 

See you later tonight,

 

Amber

 

 

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Eardoc

so, if you are even a once-a-year reader of this blog, you will know that I rarely.  RARELY use this blog to review products. This blog over the years has taken different identities, and right now, at this point in my life my heart is being a mom, so you have probably noticed that 90% of things I write are in reference to my experience as a new mommy. I have always said that blogging is a wonderful outlet and great way to make a logg of some memories. I use my blog for me... so this entry is a little different, so let me explain.

One thing that I have been dealing with is the horrible ear infection with my son, Ave. If you have children at any age, an ear infection is something that WILL happen. Every child I know has had an ear infection at some point. Well, I thought that we had done well when Ave turned 6 months with no infections. And then within the following 6 months it was like one ear infection would just follow the other. Every cold turned into an ear infection. Every sinus-ey type of respiratory thing turned into an ear infection. Even a runny nose would turn into an ear infection.

So the other day, Avery had woke up at 5 am screaming and grabbing his ears. So my first reaction is "ohh, no...not again!" I called into work and let them know I had to, once again, get Avery to the dr... So this time around, I knew that with this being his 5th ear infection in 6 months that the surgery talk about putting tubes in Avery's ears was immanent...

And that's exactly what the Dr. suggested. He gave us another antibiotic, and said, "ya know, if he gets another infection we are going to have seriously look at tubes "..

"gasp!".....

SO that evening, I went home with a mission. I didn't care how long it would take or what it was, I needed to find a remedy. Surely there was something that wasn't so invasive. I will say that I know many wonderfully happy kids that have tubes in their ears,  no parents wants to put their 1 year in any kind of surgery (even if its a short 5 min. procedure) if it's able to be avoided, right??! Not to even mention the fact that it is an expensive procedure too.

So I started the research...and I researched and researched.hours ... And then I came upon something that seemed, literally too good to be true. Literally.

The Eardoc. It is  a non-invasive approved medical device for middle ear infection (Otitis media) treatment and other conditions involving ear pain in children and adults.

It's a tool that is placed behind the ear, (in lamens terms) simply vibrated, breaking up the fluids that cause the middle ear infection..

Ok. So my inital reaction is, "this is not serious right?" It's too simple. This magic little tool can literally save my son,avery, the pain of infection going through this surgery??? No way..

A normal Amber would just say "well, thats weird and cool... but no way in hatis am I going to buy this thing. IT IS FROM ISRAEL. No way..TOTAL SCAM preying on desperate moms like me looking for an answer."

But the desperate mom in me had maybe an unrealistic hope in this little tool. I went ahead and researched it through the hundreds of reviews on you tube, throughout the internet, through medical websites, even well known Dr. Sears embraces it, and through other mom blogs who were trying to figure if this whole thing is a scam...

So I had that "what the heck! Let's do it!" moment and impulsivley bought it online. And even though I dropped the $55.00 hoping to see it do some magic, the rational part of me was extremely skeptical that it would really make a difference. I watched my credit card for weeks thinking that some random activity would pop up because it could have been a scam. But it didn't... My credit card company did think that the Israel purchase was a scam, so I did have to call them and explain that it was a legit purchase, but other than that it was cool.

SO.... Fast forward 2 weeks.

 

Avery had been walking for a good week, but then decides that he doesn't want to. I start to panic because I was thinking that something was up with his ears. The Eardoc It comes in the mail- and just in time. So I sat him down and placed the eardoc behind his ear. He sat extremely still and let me use it for 1 minute on each ear. Literally, an hour later he gets up and starts walking EVERWHERE. I was shocked. Was it the eardoc? maybe! Either way I was so happy. He has had a few days that I noticed an eartug so I'd use the ear doc and it seems to really help him out. I will say that I am not sure that the surgery is still out of the question.. We have an ear appointment on Wednesday. So we will see how well this thing has done.. But with how it has worked for us so far, I would definatly recommend it!

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Discipline

Ok! Now that Avery is a full year old, I am really trying to figure out the *gulp* discipline* word.

When we had a child, discipline is probably the very last thing on the "what I should probably figure out" list. And now, I feel like the deadline is here and I still don't have it figured out.

A few weeks ago, I went to pick up Avery at our friend Rebecca's house. She then explained to me that a little boy had bit Avery. Honestly, I really wasn't phased by this. Yes, he got a little 'owie', but he's with other little kids and things like that will happen when he's with other kids. I probably could easily overreact (yes, Im a first time mom) and freak out, but I know that I can't put him in a plastic bubble.

But anyway- A few days later, Avery was upset at me because of the fact that he had picked up my cell phone and I had taken it from him " no Avery, that's not a toy", I said.

He then looked at me, wrinkled up his little forehead and and he began to scream, and throw his little body down on the floor. It was his first "fit". So I picked him up, set him on my lap and made eye contact "No.. that's not okay, Avery." I said with as stern as a voice as I could muster.I set him back down and tried to hand him a toy. He, again, thew his little body down on the floor .. and then he leaned in and.. bit me... yep. The little one year old bit...

and at that moment a couple things happened: A) I was taken back to the week prior when I was told by Rebbecca that another little boy had did that to him. Of course he had picked this up from other little ones, but that still doesn't justify his actions. And B) I realized that the "the disciple deadline" was here, and I needed to figure out what was right for us- like now.

So- At that point, instinctively, I gave his little hand a pat/smack. Enough for him to connect the two actions so maybe his little one year old mind will put the dots together and he would be like "OK, that's not OK for me to do"....And then I put him in the pack and play in our room for a few minutes. Yes, he wasn't a happy camper, but after a few minutes I went back in there and scooped him him and embraced him. It bothered ME more than I think the whole scenario bothered him. And then the realization hit me that I need to sit down with Justin and figure what our choice in disciplining Avery is going to be.

*sigh*

Don't we all just wish that we didn't have to disciple our children? HAHA. I mean, that they just came out perfect and kind?

But that is not the reality. And I am just starting to realize it. I have met wonderful parents on both sides of the spectrum when it comes to disciple (to spank/ to not spank). I think it's a very individual/ personal decision that we cannot force upon others.

I remember reading in Shaun Groves blog once when referring to God as a perfect parent" think of God birthing his children, naming his boy and girl, walking in the Garden with them. I imagine him planting those delicious trees, providing food enough. I see him talking with Adam and Eve face-to-face, spending quantity and quality time with his kids every day. I hear him protecting them, setting those all-important boundaries: you can do all this but definitely don’t do that over there.

And they still didn’t believe he had their best interests in mind.

They still didn’t trust him.

They didn’t eat right.

They still disobeyed

And they’re own kids wound up in a fight to the death.

Even perfect parents aren’t guaranteed an all-happy ending without regret, distrust, pain, and dysfunction."

There's no perfect parents or child out there, and I take comfort in that. I know that God knows my heart, and my love for Avery. God knows that I want to instill values and raise him to be a wonderful, respectful, loving man. I want him to know right from wrong, and to value discipline. Discipline is a key part of parenting and I am relying on God as I begin this journey!

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Birthday Boy Avery

It's 4:15 here and I'm taking a few minutes out of my day. Not because I have a few minutes to spare, but because I need to stop and take a breather. Even if it's just a few minutes, and I want to update of Avery's first official birthday!!!
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Yesterday was Avery's offical one year birthday. He's going to have a small party with my mom and dad and justins parents too on Saturday, but as a way of celebrating it with him Justin and I both took a vacation day to spend with him. It was nice. And I really hope it to be something that we can continue to do yearly.

We started off the day in Cinci at the Dr.'s office. It wasn't realluy planned, but it just had to happen. I was a little nervous because this is a whole new physician, and Avery's been sick, and I just didn't know how I would feel. So Avery got examined and she immediately noticed his breathing difficulties. We talked about some of his recent problems and the she then prescribed some new meds. I'm hoping that this will be a better turn of events.

After the Dr. visit we stopped at Perkins and ordered a huge breakfast for the 3 of us. Avery even got to try his first eggs since he is now 1 year old! He loved them!! He hate a whole plate by himself.

We then ventured to Best Buy where Justin and I picked up a FlipCamera. We don't have anything for video other than a small feature on our digital camera so we thought that we would go ahead and get something to capture Avery's first b-day party.

We then made a round to the Newport Aquarium. Avery was actually scared of the fish, which was surprising to us. He eventually warmed up to the idea and would allow us to put him close to the tanks. It was alot of fun. We have a video- I will try to post it here later..

And finally we went home. Avery and I took a long nap, and when we woke up, Justin had made a trip out to get us fruit smoothies. We let avery drink a banana smoothie. And then we gave avery one of our birthday presents that we got him- I little red tent. When he saw us bring it out with a big red bow on it, he died laughing. He was so excited! So we spent the rest of the night playing hide and go seek with the tent until his little legs couldnt move he was so tired.

It was such a sweet, special day. We thought about spending the "family day" money to have a huge party with lots of friends and family, but opted to have just the three of us have an outing and I am so glad we did. It is probably going to be one of thoes memories I will tell Avery about when he's 30..

I think we may just stick with this idea, at least until he's old enough to say "ok. enough of you guys.. I want a huge party".. haha

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Oh, the life of a workin momma!

News news news! Avery took his first stepS today. I am capitalizing the 'S' on steps because for the past month he has took a step here and there  but always ended up plopping on his bottom after the first step. Well, today Justin's momma calls me and informs me that Avery took his first STEPS . It's one of thoes things that you celebrate, but at the same time, it's truely a bitter sweet moment for me for selfish reasons.  I had always imagined seeing it happen and grabbing the camera and getting the photo of such a milestone. I have photos of his first bath, first smile, his first time he ate solid foods, the first time he sat up..etc., etc.  So I was HOPING that he would wait to walk for his momma (after work, of course!) 

 

*sigh* 

 

 Being a working mother is the hardest job on the earth, hands down.I had no idea how straining emotionally it would be to be away from your child.  I love working and providing for my family, especially since we are on the road to a debt free life. And I want be able to provide things for Avery that others might not be able to, like college for example. (Which BTW, we started Avery's college fund for his 1 year birthday).  But then there are moments like these that hit you and you realize that even if you are working hard to get there, time doesn't wait, life still happens, My baby starts walking! ahh. If only life were easier and we all could just hit the lottery and be home with our babies. lol. paradise!

 

 I love my little man so much.  

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The Learning Curve!

One thing that is super apparent now that I am a mommy- is that there is a steep learning curve that you go through, especially when it comes to our babies health. Avery, altough he's easily one of the happiest babies alive, hasn't had very great luck when it comes to an immune system. Yes, I followed the exact health guide, I breastfed, I made sure to sanitize EVERYTHING. But I suppose some children have a harder time than others. In any case, had you asked me about conjuntivities, trush, bronchitis, Fifth Disease before have Avery I would have looked at you like you were speaking jibberish to me. 

 From the first month of Avery's life I can recall something that has caused some sort of panic for me, whether is was a fever, asthma attack, hacking coughing/sneezing, conjuntivities, trush. etc.etc... . Avery is just turning 1, and I feel like I have went through an intensive graduate course on pediatrics! lol. Between the 3 asthma meds., and inhalers, the allergy meds, the many many accounts of having some sort of antibiotic in his system due to conjunctivitis (pink eye), bronchitis, or trush I sometimes feel as though the meds in themself have been a full time job. I will say, though that the last 4-5 months have been fairly easy and he's actually not been on anything but the asthma medication which is so nice. I switched him from a daycare setting with other babies to an in-home  child care of a girl that I go to church with. Since then I have seen a significant improvement in his health... BUT, for the last few weeks the little guy has seemed really fussy. He had a low grade fever last week so I kept him home a few days, but I couldn't tell what was up other than he had a low fever, runny nose, and a cough. He ended up developing a rash on his bottom which I did not associate with the cold at all- until he developed a SUPER red rash on the cheeks of his face.. At this point I called the Dr., who said " It sounds like Fifth's Disease".  "Fifth's disease!!! what is it!!!!!????" I panicked once again.

After reading up on it, I felt a little better knowing that  it's pretty common  little virus among little ones... But it still scares the bijeebeez out of you when you learn that your baby has something. The bright side of it is the red rash on his face is really the final stage of this "Fifth's Disease" so he should be good as new here soon. And he actually slept well last night which made me feel better.

So anyway- keep the little guy in your prayers !~

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Just a day with the Macs

So, Ave and I got snowed in yesterday. In an attempt to entertain the little guy, I decided to jump out from underneath the kitchen table. Avery LOVED it. Loved it... and I sound very- weird and scary. lol... but it makes for some good memories!~

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FYI

Last year this week I was 36 weeks pregnant!!!! seriously! Click here to see!

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2010 review

Wow. Can you believe that we are officially half way through January? It really doesn't seem possible. At all. But we are! I can't believe that 2010 is over and done with, it just seems like yesterday that it begun. So, although I am 2 weeks late on this post, I thought I'd give an overview of the year.

- 2010 was our first full year of being homeowners! It's been a wonderful thing to feel as if we are official adults. With homeownership we have had to deal with broken garbage disposal and central air going out. I think it was the first hit to me that "we own the home" when the garbage disposal quit working and I couldn't call the trusty old landlord... But it's been awesome to have the freedom to make our home our very own, and to not feel as if we are throwing our money away with rentals. in 2010 we updated our house but painting the living, dining, kitchen, and even painted the front door red. Justin built an awesome tv stand.

- Probably the best most wonderful thing that happened in 2010 without a doubt was the welcoming on our sweet little boy(whom I was told that I may never have due to infertility issues), Avery Grant. He entered the world in February 9th, 2010 at 11:59 am. Most of the year of 2009 was spent antipating his arrival so when the 9 months of anticipation finally looked me in the eyes on that date, it has forever been etched into my heart.. (I know that's cheesy, but it's the God's honest truth)

- The entire 2010 year has been a year of adjustment with a new person in our lives. Everything has changed. I was home from work with him for a little over 2 months- I went back to work part time for another 2 months, and now I'm back at full speed here at the church.

- One huge thing that happened in 2010 was the horrible burn accident that took place in September. One great thing that happenend out of the whole thing was to actually see the hands and feet of God at work. Not only did the dr.'s say that Justin would be out of work for months, but they also had initially said that he would need skin graphs on his entire left side of his body. The Lord was moving, and Justin started work just 2 weeks after the accident, and never recieved a skin graph. He has discolored spots on the right side of his body, but the skin is there and he has been healed! Also, we had some very dear dear friends of our who really helped during that time and provided food for an entire week. It was awesome.

- Our new year resolution for 2009-2010 year was to make some improvments financially! Our goal is still to be debt free and we are working hard at doing it! With a little boy now in the picture this year was filled with many unexpected and expected expenses (dr. bills, food, clothing, daycare, etc, etc) but we were still able to bay off a $5,000 dollars debt, and 1 of our vehicles. It was a smaller dent in the bill pile of bills than what we wanted, but with all things considered, I think we did alright!

-On a physical level- lol, let me just say that pregnancy had its advantages, and disadvantages for sure. One disadvantage was the fact that I am just one of thoes gals that gain the weight. Some girls are all belly, but that last month of the pregnancy was the killer. I am going to be transparent on here with the weight thing because its going to be apart of my new years resolution so I have to show the progress. I started off the at the pre-pregnancy weight of 107.. The day I went into labor (with the baby still in there) I was weighed in at 152.. One week after having Avery I had an infection was back at the dr., and weighed in at 130 on the dot... So after the baby I still had a good 23 lbs to lose and it has been an uphill battle, but I'm happy to say that I sit here at 112! Still got that last 5 lbs, but i'm getting there. yes, it's been almost a year, but like I said, I am just the type of girl that keeps the baby weight if I don't work it off!! So- I am happy to say that in 2010 I gained 43 lbs, and lost 38.

This year's resolution is going to have three parts. Last year was the first year that I made a resolution, and I actually stuck with it (as far as finances)... So this year I'm going

A: keep last years goal and push toward a fiancially debt free life. I don't want to bite off more than I can chew, so I I know it may be on the resolution list for a few more years. But we are definatly on the track. Also, one thing that I want to do is build up the savings account. We had done well in 2008, but when we bought the house, naturally, we wiped it out.. We have slowly built it back up but when unexpected expenses occure (car repairs, house repairs, dr. bills) we easliy nip it back down.

b: Physically: Like I said, I still have that last 5 lbs to go! I wanted to get there before the new year, but It's like a plateau hit! So I have to be more intentional. Yes, I want to lose that final last 5 lbs., but I also want to get more in shape in general. We have the work out equipment and p90x. My goal is to make it a priority to get into shape !!

C: Finally, Spiritually. This year, especially recently I have found myself reflecting. Justin and I are reflecting on what calling that God has for us. I used to say "im clueless", but I am now seeing more and more daily where God is leading our hearts. And we are opening ourself up to it! I am not going to say anything specifically, because I do not yet know specifics, but this year I we are going to intensly focus on where/ what God has for us. We both are feeling like God is doing something in each of out hearts separatly, which is so exciting, but we are letting God speak to us.

So yeah. thats what I'm thinking for 2011!

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No Better

When you sling your stone
Aim it at her heart
Where every crime comes from
Where every stumble starts

And save the next for me
Muster all your skill
‘Cause sin in secrecy
Is the hardest kind to kill

Lay me down with the liars
The brawlers, thieves and backbiters
Lay me down with the others
‘Cause I’m no better

There’s no justice here
Just as well you know
We’ve all got hell to pay
But grace pays all we owe

Lay me down with the liars
The brawlers, thieves and backbiters
Lay me down with the others
‘Cause I’m no better

Lay me down with the takers
Politicians, cheats and heart breakers
Lay me down with the others
‘Cause I’m no better

- Shaun Groves
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I guess you can say that this week has been one that is challenging at the very least. Without exposing anyone or details, I have lost a lot of sleep- thinking. Have you ever been blindsided? Blindsided by disappointment in someone you care for? Blindsided by fear? By doubt? By hurt for another person?

This week I have.

This week dinner has been a little colder, and the house has been quieter..the laughter has been only in a whisper. Not because of anything between Justin and I, but because of being blindsided.. Because of the deep pain that we know that a family is going through.

But despite all of the chaos of a horrible situation- I know that I'm no better.

I'm no better than anyone who is involved. I'm no more justified and loved than the victims or the culprits.

Today I'm reminded of just how graceful grace really is... How loved each of us are even at our worst. How God can speak to us and through us despite the angst, sin, and impurities that are caked around our heart.

There’s no justice here
Just as well you know
We’ve all got hell to pay
But grace pays all we owe

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I feel your pain, sistah!

I cant believe that I am blogging right now when I have a to do list that is ever growing here at work. But since I'm not taking a lunch break today I feel a little justified to take 20 minutes out and share a little something.

 

I received a message from a good friend today. She's heading back to maternity leave and was asking for some solid-help-me-please advice. And oh… I can't even try to recount the exact same feeling. I can't even try because, well, it can still bring me to a tearful hard cry. Hard. Sobbing. Still- 9 months after I've had my little one, and 7 months after I myself experienced going back to work from maternity leave.

 

When she sent the message, I wanted to give her simple 3 step system to overcoming the separation anxiety that you have. But there isn't one. I vividly remember going into the office 1 week before I was to return to work to meet with the pastor… I smiled. I was kind. But he eventually looked at me in mid conversation and said "so how are you doing?"… and that was it. I was a goner. I ended up sitting in his office in my own humility sobbing, feeling a little silly at the same time. "It's not like I am giving up my baby, suck it up!" I kept whispering to myself. But talking to Megan- I know that I wasn't insane. Nor is she right now.

 

So in any case, she sent me the message- I could easily recall the anxiety, overwhelming sadness of leaving my son. As I was thinking about this- I happened to start looking through my blog. See, there are probably about 10 half finished entries sitting in the drafts box within my blog. Sometimes they look as though they are finished but for whatever reason they don't feel finished. So I found myself looking through my old drafts and was compelled to post the draft that I had started right before going back to work.

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Blessed

(wrote on April 9^th 2010)

It's almost laughable that I had at one point considered heading back to work early. I honestly did. I figured I'd take a good 6 weeks and then be fine with heading back to work. I remember training the Maternity Leave replacement and telling her 6-8 weeks maximum. And here I sit- almost 9 weeks into a maternity leave and dreading next week. Dreading would be an understatement. Utter dreading. What's a stronger word? I can't even think. I'm crying right now. As I type.

 

 

It's not that I don't enjoy working. I enjoy it. I enjoy working with the three pastors that I work with. But at the risk of sounding archaic, I honestly feel that it's not natural mentally for a woman to want to leave her child for someone else to watch to work. I am jealous. I am SO jealous of other stay at home moms, and I'M even jealous of the few people who we have set up to watch MY baby.

 

But there's a reason that I'm taking time out to write this, and it isn't because I want to rant. I need to see that God is here. And I'm blessed. I need to see it. I know it, I can say it. But it's hard to see the blessing when you have this huge thing weighing on you mentally.

 

I am blessed because God has always ALWAYS provided. When Justin was laid off of work and we were living off a secretary's income, he provided. God has provided me with a job in the midst of the economy downfall and turmoil.

 

We are blessed to have a beautiful healthly baby boy.. Beautiful. Even when there was a point that we thought that we wouldn't have our own children.- God provided Avery.

 

We are blessed to live close enough to Justin's mother, who has given up her own time at work to offer herself to watch Avery. We are blessed.

 

We are blessed to have a house that stays warm and food.

 

God has always provided. Even in the dark valley moments of my own emotions. That is one thing that I can find hope in. God is with us. With Avery. I have to take myself out of the equation and give this over to Him. Because God knows that I can't can't can't do this.

 

Today I'm taking some extra time to hold my baby. To kiss him an extra thousand times. To inhale the smell of his hair, and to play with his little toes.

 

I hope I can still do this after I start work… I hope..

 

 

I will still do this. I will. I will.

 

Pray for me.

 

 

Please.

 

 

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Life over the past few weeks

Well, it's monday. I know that I have been slacking in my blog lately. I actually really desire to be one of the cool every day bloggers. But It is just impossible. I love blogging. It's nice to take a few moments out of my day and reflect. It's also nice to take a few moments a read someone else's reflections.. I just wish I could do it more fequently! Being a full time momma, that now has a computer that is crashed at home really shows it's obstacles. I am updating my blog via lunch break right now... (BTW...Where can I take a computer to get serviced? I don't want to buy a new one!) *sigh*


Anyway- the last few weeks have been non-stop. I can't believe that October is over. I have some amazingly cute pictures of Avery's billy goat outfit, but I will have to get them on here as soon as I can figure out our stinkin computer. But we had a great time on Halloween. We even had a costume halloween party. I actually had never went to one, so Justin and I thought, what the heck, let's do it! One big shocker for us was when we went shopping for halloween costumes. A- ALL of the lady costumes were super hoochie. I mean, it's october people! You'd think people would want MORE material.. And B- All of the halloween costumes were SUPER expensive- as in over 40 bucks.. There was no way in hatis Justin and I were going to drop at least 80 bucks on a costume even if it was our party... So as were walking out of the store, we past a rack of masks that were 5 dollars... so with that- THIS was our costume. (i stole this picture from a friend's facebook)

haha.. Talk about ghetto. I ended up finding a cheap raggedy clothe, and justin found a vampir-ish cape....lol.. so we were "twin ghouls".









But it ended up being a really fun night with good friends.



Then- on November 1st, my little sister, Alysia had a little girl! Her name is Addisyn Lynn. Here is anoother photo stole from facebook



I went down to portsmouth to visit family and meet Addi for the first time. We went to my dear sweet 93 year old grandma's house and had some good ol' salmon patties, and fried potatoes, with some fresh corn. It was a good time, but like all good things, it came to an end too soon.


And then yesterday, Nov. 7th, we went to church and took part in Avery's baby dedication. It was a very sweet special day for everyone. Here a few pictures from the dedication. My mom took pics, but alot turned out blurry, so I am kinda hoping to get a copy of the photographer from our church's pics... So maybe hopefully more pics will come.

















By the way- notice this last picture with Ave raising his hand. He was cracking us all up- he kept waving to everyone when the Pastor would turn his back toward us and talk to the congregation. When Pastor D would turn around toward us Aveman put his hand down like nothing was going on... lol.. he is such a cute little ornery thing!

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Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas… perhaps… means a little bit more

Christmas 1992 was memorable for me. It was the year that when mom and dad told us to make our "wish list" that I couldn't find that one i-have-to-have-that-gift-please-please-please gift. I remember going through the Macy's toy catalog that we were sent and thumbing through each page with ease and care in hopes that something would scream at me. But it didn't.

 So I started my list. I wrote a random troll down (yes, I collected trolls), a couple of games, and a mickey mouse watch.. I gave it to mom to "deliver" to Santa.. and that was it. Looking back, I'm not sure what time of the year it was, but I am guessing it was sometime early December. after giving mom that gift list, I forgot all about it.

UNTIL...Several weeks later as Christmas was approaching (literally 2 days away) I happen to be at my grandma's going through the mail on the table and then I saw it, it was an add for the newest Cabbage Patch Kid. I had that moment of "I need it I need it I need it!"And that was it. My heart was committed to this gift.  That evening I was so excited to deliver the news to mom that I had finally found that one gift that would complete me!  I went to my mom  waving the add in hand and said "I want to change my list for Santa. To this! the newest cabbage patch kid! I want her to have blonde hair and blue eyes and..." Mom stops me,  looks at me "well, you can't. Christmas is 2 days away. It's too late, Amber. And Santa couldn't find that gift he wanted to at this time in the season. "In almost a condescending tone I replied "yes he can! Santa will do it!!!"  I remember mom bending down to make eye contact, looking at me very seriously and saying "Amber, do not get your hopes up. you will not see that doll under the tree on Christmas."

But I wasn't accustomed to being turned down. Especially when it came to Christmas gifts. In my heart of hearts I felt like I would wake up and see my little blond haired blue eyed Cabbage Patch Kid, and I would say to mom "but you said..!" and then she would say "well, Santa must have got the message." or something along those lines.

The evening before Christmas I went to bed excited and filled with anticipation over the gift. I knew 'Santa' would come through. I knew it. . So, you can imagine my surprise when I woke up on Christmas morning and  ran like a cheetah toward to tree to find  the troll, a couple of games, and even  the Mickey mouse watch..but  no Cabbage Patch. I continued to digg. and dig. and dig. But there was no use.. My heart sunk. I cried.

it was a traumatic Christmas for me.
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Looking back.. I wonder what could have prevented this. Mom told me that it was not going to be there. It was clear on her part- but  did I have this unwavering faith in the magic of Santa, or the spirit of Christmas? Or was it that I knew that gifts were important enough to my family, that I knew that somehow I'd get THAT gift because I had always got THAT gift? I think it was probably a healthy combination of the two. especially being that gifts were a HUGE part of the Christmas family tradition.


Now that we have a mini-Mac (AKA the Aveman, ave, or Avery) traditions for me are all the more important. I love the idea of carving pumpkins, going to a pumpkin patch, dressing up for trunk or treat, decorating the tree, and yes, even giving gifts etc. And at the same time, I want so badly to instill traditions that are going to point him and his little heart in the right direction with the right mindset. I want Christmas for us to be a time to focus on Jesus, our family, and by family yes, we can give a gift or two. But not to the point that it's all consuming!   I am really stuggling with the fact that the HUGE amount of what Christmas brings is stress financially because of the all ever popular idea that Christmas is about the gifts! With Christmas being right around the corner, I can't help but wonder what we as a family need to do to deter from our society's version of Christmas traditions where we are pressured into beliving that all it's about is the gifts, and flashiness of it all.

One of my favorite lines out of Dr. Seuss's "How the Grinch stole Christmas" is:

" It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
It came without packages boxes, or bags!
 And he puzzled and puzzled, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
Maybe Christmas… perhaps… means a little bit more."


Maybe Christmas perhaps, DOES mean more.  Although it's October and still a few months away, lets go outside the box and focus on Christmas in a different light this year. Thats my goal. What's yours?

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Ohio Benefit Bank

Ok. this is going to be a super boring blog to some, but it's something that I am excited about, so I will still share.

 

Here at the church we have realized recently that there is a huge need in our county and surrounding counties. We have a food pantry and clothing pantry that has grew to one of the largest benevolence helps to the families in this county... So needless to say, being the 'phone-answerer' here at the church I am talking to these families on a daily basis. Lately it's been really encouraging to see some of them make decisions to accept the Lord into their lives....

 

But the one thing that I  and many others have realized is that the churches funds can only be stretched so far in the benevolence ministry. And there really is nothing more difficult for me than to tell a family "sorry, we don't have the means to help you."

 

So with all that said, it seems there was a real God-send this past week.

 

Our church was invited to 'The Ohio Benefit's Bank" luncheon. When we received the invite, honestly, I had no clue what it was. It advertised this "benefit bank" as a system that would offer us FREE online access to their benevolence database. So, Pastor Bennett was interested enough to take me, and one other person to the luncheon.

 

When we got there what we found out was pretty cool. Basically the program was offering to train counselors (at no expense to us) to help families in their time of need by assisting them in receiving funds (49 billion unclaimed funds)  in programs like :

-Food Assistance Program

-Health Care Program

-Ohio's best RX (prescription program)

-The Golden Buckeye Program (senior citizens)

-Extra Help for Medicare Part D (low income)

- The Home Energy Assistance Program (HEAP) (electric help)

- Child care assistance

-USDA Child Nutrition Programs (free reduced price lunch for low income families)

-FAFSA applications

- tax preparation (for free)

 

Everyday I talk to families who have no idea where to turn for help when they find themselves in desperate situations. Whether they found themselves in a financially detrimental place recently or over the course of a time. Many don't even know that these programs exist! And for the few that do know about them, many times they find themselves in 50 different offices filling out 50 different applications...

 

So in short- our church is agreeing to be a "OBB site" where families can come to a "one stop shop" and be able to fill out all of these applications (as long as they meet the government  requirements).

 

To me, this is exciting. It's the church actually being the hands and feet of Christ- which is awesome. Instead of giving a pat on that back saying a prayer (although I am not saying that prayer is not a powerful tool) we are actually helping feed and clothe the homeless and the financially destitute in tangible ways! 

 

So next week, me and two other ladies are going to venture to Cincinnati and take our first counselor training course for the OBB! Very exciting! I can't wait to see how God uses this ministry

 

P.S If you think that YOU or your church/ business could also be a part of this, check out the website for more info:

 

http://www.obbservationsswo.blogspot.com/

 

 

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Dear 11-year old me,

Dear 11-year-old Amber,


First off, your going to live to 26 (at least). You know how you think that 26 is old? Well, it's really not. And do you know how you think that you will be a cool meteorologist that lives in New York and has a huge studio apartment?. Well, you aren't, don't and don't. Good news, Mom and Dad are still alive and kicking. But Pepper 'ran away'.. At least that's what mom and dad still says.

You actually live through those really awkward years.. You know, the ones that your in right now? Yeah. You get through it in one piece. Oh, and can you do me a favor and wear something other than that blue flannel next year. seriously. I know the 'grunge' thing will be the style, but you can still have variety. But in any case, you make it through these years, so don't worry.

FYI- when you are 26, the phrases "Cha Ching" and "What's the dealllio?" aren't cool anymore. Oh, and Reba McIntyre never writes you back. So you can quit checking the mail.

Anyway , couple things-you worry too much- geez, just calm down. You freak out over everything. Every little B+. It's OK!! You can have a few of those (trust me, you will). You will be an extreme spaz if you don't lighten up! Don't stress about missing your first dance either. I know it sucks, but you need to go to that game for your sister. Speaking of siblings, you are hard on them. If you don't quit taunting them, they will haunt you with the torture stories that you put them through. No more making Ashley eat grass, Anetta eat mud, or making Alysia believe that you are possessed.. wait- I mean, Don't make Alysia believe that you are possessed in a couple years. Just don't do it! It will mess with her head for years to come! And quit making Nick hit himself with his own fists. Believe it or not, Nick actually gets to be bigger than you. And he is stronger than you. So just stop.

Do I sound like mom? Well, i probably do because you are a mom at 26. Yes, you have a little boy. His name is Avery- like papaw. He's preetty wonderful.. Speaking of grandpa, enjoy your time with him. You will look back and want that time with him. Just sit with him. Let him watch 'The Price is Right' without crying over your shows. When he is sitting out back fiddling with his knife, go out and sit with him without asking for a "my little pony".

Enjoy this time. I know you sit at home dreaming of your future, but don't wish it away. Don't. Your future will come. Your time with family and friends now are important.

Oh- and you have a nephew, Ace, and a future niece Addisyn.You have a pretty awesome husband. You know how you would write in your journal at night about the perfect guy? You would dream and think of all of the amazing movie-like moments that you will have. Well... He doesn't exist.

JUST KIDDING!

He really does. Actually, you will wonder sometimes how lucky you are to have someone that you had assumed was 'out of your league.' But he loves you and you love him. I won't tell you his name- you will figure that out with time. But do me a favor, don't settle. Don't date just anyone. All of your friends are going to date and have heartache, and you will too. But just know, your time will come..

By the way- your a little young for "the talk", but just remember that true love waits. Don't do what your friends do. You will be happy that you waited.

You will like going to church. At 11 years old, I know you find that hard to believe. Especially since grandma and grandpa have to drag you out of bed on Sunday morning. But you will actually be thankful for those Sunday mornings with grandma and papaw. Trust me on this one. Actually when you read this at the ripe age of 11 you have no clue what big choice you will make in a 2 and a half years. But it's a pretty cool one. It will change your life. Your dreams. Who you marry. Everything basically. But don't be scared. You won't regret it. 'He' will guide you.. Who's 'He'? Well- you'll find that out.

Oh- and don't expect to have it all figured out after high school, or college, or even at 26. Your still figuring things out, and that's OK! 'He' will guide you. (I know your wondering 'who the heck is 'He', right?) You actually know that there are some big things that are still awaiting at 26. big things. lots of change. and that's great. Everything will come with time- just trust.

Sincerely,

26 year-old-Amber

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sister wives??

So my newest guitly time sucker is the new show on TLC, called Sister Wives. If you haven't heard about it, it's a reality show that follows the crazy life of a polygamist family. The husband currently has 3 wives and 1 girlfriend. TLC has always been one of my favorite programs so its on frequently, so I was awestruck when I was sitting on my couch half watching one of my favorite shows "19 kids and counting", and half feeding the baby and playing with him when this show started. It's kind of like a train wreck that you want to look away from, but at the same time you have this urge to gawk... so I did.. and wow.

Still a little speechless.

Justin asked me why I was watching it, and I honestly had no good reason other than it was intriguing. It was intriging because I can't imagine as a wife, where you are one of the three or four. As a person who studied counsling once upon a time, I have to wonder what an emotionally drained and jealous world that they live in. And I am also curious how a family with a bizillion kids and 4 wives function... Anyway- thats no real excuse why I wasted my time watching it...

Anyway- the whole show got me to thinking. How awesome would it be to have like 3 other wives in my house?! seriously. I have it all figured out. The other sister wives would work all of the time, at least 60 hours a week, for 7 days a week., and when they were home they would be on cleaning duty, and they would have to be really really ugly..... And they would NEVER I mean never ever touch MY husband or MY baby..ever... or I would pull out a can whooppie..All three would stay in my guest room with bunk beds and could only come out if I gave them permission ..And then I would stay home all day long with Justin and Avery,soaking up sun and taking long vacations, and long walks, and eating fried food, ...???????

wishful thinking? perhaps.

ok. maybe not. I like being a single wife. No siblings needed here. Thanks.

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the healing process

Sorry about being MIA for the past week. Craziness. That's all I can say.

If you haven't heard, Justin was in a work accident where he was badly burned on the entire right side of his body. A pipe blew up with jet fuel in it, and Justin caught the brunt of the flame. This happened this past Thursday about 5:00. That morning before the accident, I happened to forget my phone too.. So when I finally made it home from work around 5:30 I found about 2 million messages on my phone. I called the hospital who would only tell me that "your husband was in an accident at work and was burned. He is awake now and talking." When I asked how severe, or what the details of the situation were they said that they were not permitted to discuss this over the phone. So I was a wreck for the entire hour trip up to the hosptial.

When I finally was able to make it into the burn unit, the burn looked much worse than I had even expected. Justin had a second degree burn that covered his side and the upper half of his chest, toward the bottom of the pants line there was third degree burns. There was also third degree burns underneath his arm and armpit. After seeing the severity of the burns, I was just SO thankful that the Lord was with him. I knew that it could have easily been a worse situation than what it had turned out to be.

Since the accident last week, everything seems to be a blur. I have had little to no sleep with taking care of Avery and Justin. On a lighter note- the sleep deprivation have caused some pretty hilarious stories. Well, actually, before the accident occured the sleep deprivation was already taking a toll on me. Since Avery's teething had went into high gear, he was up all night a couple of nights. One morning when packing my lunch I actually forgot to put meat in my sandwhich. Seriously. Another morning I dropped Avery off at daycare without any bottles. So I ended up having to detour to kroger.

Since everything happened with Justin I have been so tired that my eyes were playing tricks on me. I seriously saw an animal in Avery's room that wasn't there... I freaked out and come to find out it was a basket. Ok, It was around 2am and it was dark. But as clear as day I saw a moving animal. The next night I woke up in the middle of the night and thought that water was running in the kitchen and ran to turn it off and ended up wiping out and gashing my knee.... and it wasn't on. I was in a half dream state... AND then there was a couple days ago when I had to go to CVS to get more meds and seriously past CVS and forget what the heck I was out doing.. When i finally got there, I layed my bank card down and walked out... I am a mess and in need of sleep. Even when Avery was a newborn, I at least had his nap times and day time to catch up... With working full time and taking care of Justin and Avery I am struggling... majorly.

On a praise note, Justin is progressing in the healing process though. He would like to start back to work on light duty on Monday. But we will see when that time comes. We had a grusome Dr. appointment this past monday where they did a scrub to the burns and removed the old tissue. It was probably to most painful thing I have ever ever witnessed. It was painful to watch. But it is just a part of the healing process. Also, some people from the church have been SO amazing. Not only have they kept us in prayer, but we have recieved a dinner every night this week so far. It makes such a difference to have support like that. Not to mention, It makes the load that I have with Justin and Avery a little lighter. And for that I am so thankful. Also, Justin recieved some awesome cards from the Children at the church.. They brought some good laughs going through them. I do not know how a family could get through things like this without the love and support of friends, family, and church family. For that we are so humbled and blessed!!!

If you are one of the friends/ family/ church family that have kept Justin in your prayers- thank you so very much!!!!!!!!!!!

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