Trust

We all know too well the downturn that the economy has been in. Fortunately, We are finally seeing the spark of hope or the light at the end of the long tunnel in many areas of the economy..For the past several months Justin and I have felt as if we were walking on eggshells financially. On one hand, we both have jobs, we are stable and doing just fine. We feel that we are at a point in our lives that we want to invest in a home. On the other hand-- there was the tyranny of the what if, "what if one of us lose our jobs, what if the economy plunges even more, what if prices of groceries, gas and everything under the sun becomes too much to handle." What if.

For Justin and I, its hard not being behind the control panel of our lives. Recently, our church went through a series "Emotionally Healthy Spirituality" with Pete Scizzaro. It was extremely revealing of our hearts, our motivations, and fears. For me, I came to a point where I had to accept that I am not in control of my life, and accept the outcome of our future whether it makes no sense in my mind.

With all that being said, Justin went in to work. For those who may not know, he works for Norfolk and Southern Railroad . He was hired on a little under a year ago, which puts him (ranking wise) as a peon. Norfolk- like most companies have been hit pretty hard by the economic downturn. In any case, Justin went into work this past week and found out that chances are they are going to do some more layoffs. He may have missed the layoffs once, but there would be no way for him to miss them again.

It's hard trying to see God's big picture through a little peeping hole. We always try to figure out why things in our lives happen, when in our minds it makes no sense! This one of those situations where we have absolutely no control.

We can only trust and know with every part of us that God's ways are so much higher, and His ways are so much better for us than anything we can fathom. For now, we will hope in the fact that God is behind the control panel of our lives and he is a just God.

"And they who know Your name [who have experience and acquaintance with Your mercy] will lean on and confidently put their trust in You, for You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek (inquire of and for) You [on the authority of God's Word and the right of their necessity]."Psalm 9: 10

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The remote

You ever lose the remote control to the TV? I mean, for that brief moment in time there is nothing more important than finding that remote. For me, it is not so much being deprived of the opportunity to watch my shows, its more. It’s knowing that I simply do not have the authority over that dang television- the power struggle. There could be George W. knocking down my front door, but if I am in "remote controler finding" mode, than George would be on the waiting list. I think that says a lot about who I am. Sometimes I feel like I should be at a control anonymous meeting. “Hi, I’m Amber- and I am a controlaholic.”

Anyway-Our TV at home (before Rachel just bought the new one) was a unique one. You see, you could not do anything to the TV outside of using the remote. The off button, volume, and channel buttons all were disabled on the TV. so the remote was our only lifeline to the TV, and believe it or not, I lost the remote- a lot.

Today is one of those “I just lost the remote” days.

I woke up this morning late, ran to the office turned on my computer to find a little blue box that said, “Physical memory terminated”. I broke out into an instant sweat “delete, control alt delete, escape, off” my fingers were turning blue as I tapped away at my computer. All of my office files that I have stored for the past year began running through my head, my organizer, my grad school papers, all of my pictures. In an instant, they were gone.
That was my morning.

Later on today, I accessed my bank account to find a negative balance. It is life. It happened.

Sometimes you miscalculate your budget and have negative charges.
Sometimes your computer crashes.
Sometimes your homework is late.
Sometimes you lose control.

I am going to just lay it out. I am a mess of a person. Today- the realization was sobering. Control is an interesting concept for a Christian. Were taught most of our adolescence to not provide it to another person, we try to gain it, and once attained—Christ says “give it to me”.

“Give me your fears, your hopes, your miscalculated budget, and your crashed computer. Give me all of your mess and mistakes. Give me control.”

Today I have found comfort in knowing that I do not have the remote. I cannot control the volume or static channels of life. I just can’t.

But I know who does have the remote.

And I trust Him.

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