The Learning Curve!

One thing that is super apparent now that I am a mommy- is that there is a steep learning curve that you go through, especially when it comes to our babies health. Avery, altough he's easily one of the happiest babies alive, hasn't had very great luck when it comes to an immune system. Yes, I followed the exact health guide, I breastfed, I made sure to sanitize EVERYTHING. But I suppose some children have a harder time than others. In any case, had you asked me about conjuntivities, trush, bronchitis, Fifth Disease before have Avery I would have looked at you like you were speaking jibberish to me. 

 From the first month of Avery's life I can recall something that has caused some sort of panic for me, whether is was a fever, asthma attack, hacking coughing/sneezing, conjuntivities, trush. etc.etc... . Avery is just turning 1, and I feel like I have went through an intensive graduate course on pediatrics! lol. Between the 3 asthma meds., and inhalers, the allergy meds, the many many accounts of having some sort of antibiotic in his system due to conjunctivitis (pink eye), bronchitis, or trush I sometimes feel as though the meds in themself have been a full time job. I will say, though that the last 4-5 months have been fairly easy and he's actually not been on anything but the asthma medication which is so nice. I switched him from a daycare setting with other babies to an in-home  child care of a girl that I go to church with. Since then I have seen a significant improvement in his health... BUT, for the last few weeks the little guy has seemed really fussy. He had a low grade fever last week so I kept him home a few days, but I couldn't tell what was up other than he had a low fever, runny nose, and a cough. He ended up developing a rash on his bottom which I did not associate with the cold at all- until he developed a SUPER red rash on the cheeks of his face.. At this point I called the Dr., who said " It sounds like Fifth's Disease".  "Fifth's disease!!! what is it!!!!!????" I panicked once again.

After reading up on it, I felt a little better knowing that  it's pretty common  little virus among little ones... But it still scares the bijeebeez out of you when you learn that your baby has something. The bright side of it is the red rash on his face is really the final stage of this "Fifth's Disease" so he should be good as new here soon. And he actually slept well last night which made me feel better.

So anyway- keep the little guy in your prayers !~

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Just a day with the Macs

So, Ave and I got snowed in yesterday. In an attempt to entertain the little guy, I decided to jump out from underneath the kitchen table. Avery LOVED it. Loved it... and I sound very- weird and scary. lol... but it makes for some good memories!~

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FYI

Last year this week I was 36 weeks pregnant!!!! seriously! Click here to see!

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2010 review

Wow. Can you believe that we are officially half way through January? It really doesn't seem possible. At all. But we are! I can't believe that 2010 is over and done with, it just seems like yesterday that it begun. So, although I am 2 weeks late on this post, I thought I'd give an overview of the year.

- 2010 was our first full year of being homeowners! It's been a wonderful thing to feel as if we are official adults. With homeownership we have had to deal with broken garbage disposal and central air going out. I think it was the first hit to me that "we own the home" when the garbage disposal quit working and I couldn't call the trusty old landlord... But it's been awesome to have the freedom to make our home our very own, and to not feel as if we are throwing our money away with rentals. in 2010 we updated our house but painting the living, dining, kitchen, and even painted the front door red. Justin built an awesome tv stand.

- Probably the best most wonderful thing that happened in 2010 without a doubt was the welcoming on our sweet little boy(whom I was told that I may never have due to infertility issues), Avery Grant. He entered the world in February 9th, 2010 at 11:59 am. Most of the year of 2009 was spent antipating his arrival so when the 9 months of anticipation finally looked me in the eyes on that date, it has forever been etched into my heart.. (I know that's cheesy, but it's the God's honest truth)

- The entire 2010 year has been a year of adjustment with a new person in our lives. Everything has changed. I was home from work with him for a little over 2 months- I went back to work part time for another 2 months, and now I'm back at full speed here at the church.

- One huge thing that happened in 2010 was the horrible burn accident that took place in September. One great thing that happenend out of the whole thing was to actually see the hands and feet of God at work. Not only did the dr.'s say that Justin would be out of work for months, but they also had initially said that he would need skin graphs on his entire left side of his body. The Lord was moving, and Justin started work just 2 weeks after the accident, and never recieved a skin graph. He has discolored spots on the right side of his body, but the skin is there and he has been healed! Also, we had some very dear dear friends of our who really helped during that time and provided food for an entire week. It was awesome.

- Our new year resolution for 2009-2010 year was to make some improvments financially! Our goal is still to be debt free and we are working hard at doing it! With a little boy now in the picture this year was filled with many unexpected and expected expenses (dr. bills, food, clothing, daycare, etc, etc) but we were still able to bay off a $5,000 dollars debt, and 1 of our vehicles. It was a smaller dent in the bill pile of bills than what we wanted, but with all things considered, I think we did alright!

-On a physical level- lol, let me just say that pregnancy had its advantages, and disadvantages for sure. One disadvantage was the fact that I am just one of thoes gals that gain the weight. Some girls are all belly, but that last month of the pregnancy was the killer. I am going to be transparent on here with the weight thing because its going to be apart of my new years resolution so I have to show the progress. I started off the at the pre-pregnancy weight of 107.. The day I went into labor (with the baby still in there) I was weighed in at 152.. One week after having Avery I had an infection was back at the dr., and weighed in at 130 on the dot... So after the baby I still had a good 23 lbs to lose and it has been an uphill battle, but I'm happy to say that I sit here at 112! Still got that last 5 lbs, but i'm getting there. yes, it's been almost a year, but like I said, I am just the type of girl that keeps the baby weight if I don't work it off!! So- I am happy to say that in 2010 I gained 43 lbs, and lost 38.

This year's resolution is going to have three parts. Last year was the first year that I made a resolution, and I actually stuck with it (as far as finances)... So this year I'm going

A: keep last years goal and push toward a fiancially debt free life. I don't want to bite off more than I can chew, so I I know it may be on the resolution list for a few more years. But we are definatly on the track. Also, one thing that I want to do is build up the savings account. We had done well in 2008, but when we bought the house, naturally, we wiped it out.. We have slowly built it back up but when unexpected expenses occure (car repairs, house repairs, dr. bills) we easliy nip it back down.

b: Physically: Like I said, I still have that last 5 lbs to go! I wanted to get there before the new year, but It's like a plateau hit! So I have to be more intentional. Yes, I want to lose that final last 5 lbs., but I also want to get more in shape in general. We have the work out equipment and p90x. My goal is to make it a priority to get into shape !!

C: Finally, Spiritually. This year, especially recently I have found myself reflecting. Justin and I are reflecting on what calling that God has for us. I used to say "im clueless", but I am now seeing more and more daily where God is leading our hearts. And we are opening ourself up to it! I am not going to say anything specifically, because I do not yet know specifics, but this year I we are going to intensly focus on where/ what God has for us. We both are feeling like God is doing something in each of out hearts separatly, which is so exciting, but we are letting God speak to us.

So yeah. thats what I'm thinking for 2011!

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No Better

When you sling your stone
Aim it at her heart
Where every crime comes from
Where every stumble starts

And save the next for me
Muster all your skill
‘Cause sin in secrecy
Is the hardest kind to kill

Lay me down with the liars
The brawlers, thieves and backbiters
Lay me down with the others
‘Cause I’m no better

There’s no justice here
Just as well you know
We’ve all got hell to pay
But grace pays all we owe

Lay me down with the liars
The brawlers, thieves and backbiters
Lay me down with the others
‘Cause I’m no better

Lay me down with the takers
Politicians, cheats and heart breakers
Lay me down with the others
‘Cause I’m no better

- Shaun Groves
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I guess you can say that this week has been one that is challenging at the very least. Without exposing anyone or details, I have lost a lot of sleep- thinking. Have you ever been blindsided? Blindsided by disappointment in someone you care for? Blindsided by fear? By doubt? By hurt for another person?

This week I have.

This week dinner has been a little colder, and the house has been quieter..the laughter has been only in a whisper. Not because of anything between Justin and I, but because of being blindsided.. Because of the deep pain that we know that a family is going through.

But despite all of the chaos of a horrible situation- I know that I'm no better.

I'm no better than anyone who is involved. I'm no more justified and loved than the victims or the culprits.

Today I'm reminded of just how graceful grace really is... How loved each of us are even at our worst. How God can speak to us and through us despite the angst, sin, and impurities that are caked around our heart.

There’s no justice here
Just as well you know
We’ve all got hell to pay
But grace pays all we owe

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I feel your pain, sistah!

I cant believe that I am blogging right now when I have a to do list that is ever growing here at work. But since I'm not taking a lunch break today I feel a little justified to take 20 minutes out and share a little something.

 

I received a message from a good friend today. She's heading back to maternity leave and was asking for some solid-help-me-please advice. And oh… I can't even try to recount the exact same feeling. I can't even try because, well, it can still bring me to a tearful hard cry. Hard. Sobbing. Still- 9 months after I've had my little one, and 7 months after I myself experienced going back to work from maternity leave.

 

When she sent the message, I wanted to give her simple 3 step system to overcoming the separation anxiety that you have. But there isn't one. I vividly remember going into the office 1 week before I was to return to work to meet with the pastor… I smiled. I was kind. But he eventually looked at me in mid conversation and said "so how are you doing?"… and that was it. I was a goner. I ended up sitting in his office in my own humility sobbing, feeling a little silly at the same time. "It's not like I am giving up my baby, suck it up!" I kept whispering to myself. But talking to Megan- I know that I wasn't insane. Nor is she right now.

 

So in any case, she sent me the message- I could easily recall the anxiety, overwhelming sadness of leaving my son. As I was thinking about this- I happened to start looking through my blog. See, there are probably about 10 half finished entries sitting in the drafts box within my blog. Sometimes they look as though they are finished but for whatever reason they don't feel finished. So I found myself looking through my old drafts and was compelled to post the draft that I had started right before going back to work.

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Blessed

(wrote on April 9^th 2010)

It's almost laughable that I had at one point considered heading back to work early. I honestly did. I figured I'd take a good 6 weeks and then be fine with heading back to work. I remember training the Maternity Leave replacement and telling her 6-8 weeks maximum. And here I sit- almost 9 weeks into a maternity leave and dreading next week. Dreading would be an understatement. Utter dreading. What's a stronger word? I can't even think. I'm crying right now. As I type.

 

 

It's not that I don't enjoy working. I enjoy it. I enjoy working with the three pastors that I work with. But at the risk of sounding archaic, I honestly feel that it's not natural mentally for a woman to want to leave her child for someone else to watch to work. I am jealous. I am SO jealous of other stay at home moms, and I'M even jealous of the few people who we have set up to watch MY baby.

 

But there's a reason that I'm taking time out to write this, and it isn't because I want to rant. I need to see that God is here. And I'm blessed. I need to see it. I know it, I can say it. But it's hard to see the blessing when you have this huge thing weighing on you mentally.

 

I am blessed because God has always ALWAYS provided. When Justin was laid off of work and we were living off a secretary's income, he provided. God has provided me with a job in the midst of the economy downfall and turmoil.

 

We are blessed to have a beautiful healthly baby boy.. Beautiful. Even when there was a point that we thought that we wouldn't have our own children.- God provided Avery.

 

We are blessed to live close enough to Justin's mother, who has given up her own time at work to offer herself to watch Avery. We are blessed.

 

We are blessed to have a house that stays warm and food.

 

God has always provided. Even in the dark valley moments of my own emotions. That is one thing that I can find hope in. God is with us. With Avery. I have to take myself out of the equation and give this over to Him. Because God knows that I can't can't can't do this.

 

Today I'm taking some extra time to hold my baby. To kiss him an extra thousand times. To inhale the smell of his hair, and to play with his little toes.

 

I hope I can still do this after I start work… I hope..

 

 

I will still do this. I will. I will.

 

Pray for me.

 

 

Please.

 

 

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Life over the past few weeks

Well, it's monday. I know that I have been slacking in my blog lately. I actually really desire to be one of the cool every day bloggers. But It is just impossible. I love blogging. It's nice to take a few moments out of my day and reflect. It's also nice to take a few moments a read someone else's reflections.. I just wish I could do it more fequently! Being a full time momma, that now has a computer that is crashed at home really shows it's obstacles. I am updating my blog via lunch break right now... (BTW...Where can I take a computer to get serviced? I don't want to buy a new one!) *sigh*


Anyway- the last few weeks have been non-stop. I can't believe that October is over. I have some amazingly cute pictures of Avery's billy goat outfit, but I will have to get them on here as soon as I can figure out our stinkin computer. But we had a great time on Halloween. We even had a costume halloween party. I actually had never went to one, so Justin and I thought, what the heck, let's do it! One big shocker for us was when we went shopping for halloween costumes. A- ALL of the lady costumes were super hoochie. I mean, it's october people! You'd think people would want MORE material.. And B- All of the halloween costumes were SUPER expensive- as in over 40 bucks.. There was no way in hatis Justin and I were going to drop at least 80 bucks on a costume even if it was our party... So as were walking out of the store, we past a rack of masks that were 5 dollars... so with that- THIS was our costume. (i stole this picture from a friend's facebook)

haha.. Talk about ghetto. I ended up finding a cheap raggedy clothe, and justin found a vampir-ish cape....lol.. so we were "twin ghouls".









But it ended up being a really fun night with good friends.



Then- on November 1st, my little sister, Alysia had a little girl! Her name is Addisyn Lynn. Here is anoother photo stole from facebook



I went down to portsmouth to visit family and meet Addi for the first time. We went to my dear sweet 93 year old grandma's house and had some good ol' salmon patties, and fried potatoes, with some fresh corn. It was a good time, but like all good things, it came to an end too soon.


And then yesterday, Nov. 7th, we went to church and took part in Avery's baby dedication. It was a very sweet special day for everyone. Here a few pictures from the dedication. My mom took pics, but alot turned out blurry, so I am kinda hoping to get a copy of the photographer from our church's pics... So maybe hopefully more pics will come.

















By the way- notice this last picture with Ave raising his hand. He was cracking us all up- he kept waving to everyone when the Pastor would turn his back toward us and talk to the congregation. When Pastor D would turn around toward us Aveman put his hand down like nothing was going on... lol.. he is such a cute little ornery thing!

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Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas… perhaps… means a little bit more

Christmas 1992 was memorable for me. It was the year that when mom and dad told us to make our "wish list" that I couldn't find that one i-have-to-have-that-gift-please-please-please gift. I remember going through the Macy's toy catalog that we were sent and thumbing through each page with ease and care in hopes that something would scream at me. But it didn't.

 So I started my list. I wrote a random troll down (yes, I collected trolls), a couple of games, and a mickey mouse watch.. I gave it to mom to "deliver" to Santa.. and that was it. Looking back, I'm not sure what time of the year it was, but I am guessing it was sometime early December. after giving mom that gift list, I forgot all about it.

UNTIL...Several weeks later as Christmas was approaching (literally 2 days away) I happen to be at my grandma's going through the mail on the table and then I saw it, it was an add for the newest Cabbage Patch Kid. I had that moment of "I need it I need it I need it!"And that was it. My heart was committed to this gift.  That evening I was so excited to deliver the news to mom that I had finally found that one gift that would complete me!  I went to my mom  waving the add in hand and said "I want to change my list for Santa. To this! the newest cabbage patch kid! I want her to have blonde hair and blue eyes and..." Mom stops me,  looks at me "well, you can't. Christmas is 2 days away. It's too late, Amber. And Santa couldn't find that gift he wanted to at this time in the season. "In almost a condescending tone I replied "yes he can! Santa will do it!!!"  I remember mom bending down to make eye contact, looking at me very seriously and saying "Amber, do not get your hopes up. you will not see that doll under the tree on Christmas."

But I wasn't accustomed to being turned down. Especially when it came to Christmas gifts. In my heart of hearts I felt like I would wake up and see my little blond haired blue eyed Cabbage Patch Kid, and I would say to mom "but you said..!" and then she would say "well, Santa must have got the message." or something along those lines.

The evening before Christmas I went to bed excited and filled with anticipation over the gift. I knew 'Santa' would come through. I knew it. . So, you can imagine my surprise when I woke up on Christmas morning and  ran like a cheetah toward to tree to find  the troll, a couple of games, and even  the Mickey mouse watch..but  no Cabbage Patch. I continued to digg. and dig. and dig. But there was no use.. My heart sunk. I cried.

it was a traumatic Christmas for me.
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Looking back.. I wonder what could have prevented this. Mom told me that it was not going to be there. It was clear on her part- but  did I have this unwavering faith in the magic of Santa, or the spirit of Christmas? Or was it that I knew that gifts were important enough to my family, that I knew that somehow I'd get THAT gift because I had always got THAT gift? I think it was probably a healthy combination of the two. especially being that gifts were a HUGE part of the Christmas family tradition.


Now that we have a mini-Mac (AKA the Aveman, ave, or Avery) traditions for me are all the more important. I love the idea of carving pumpkins, going to a pumpkin patch, dressing up for trunk or treat, decorating the tree, and yes, even giving gifts etc. And at the same time, I want so badly to instill traditions that are going to point him and his little heart in the right direction with the right mindset. I want Christmas for us to be a time to focus on Jesus, our family, and by family yes, we can give a gift or two. But not to the point that it's all consuming!   I am really stuggling with the fact that the HUGE amount of what Christmas brings is stress financially because of the all ever popular idea that Christmas is about the gifts! With Christmas being right around the corner, I can't help but wonder what we as a family need to do to deter from our society's version of Christmas traditions where we are pressured into beliving that all it's about is the gifts, and flashiness of it all.

One of my favorite lines out of Dr. Seuss's "How the Grinch stole Christmas" is:

" It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
It came without packages boxes, or bags!
 And he puzzled and puzzled, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
Maybe Christmas… perhaps… means a little bit more."


Maybe Christmas perhaps, DOES mean more.  Although it's October and still a few months away, lets go outside the box and focus on Christmas in a different light this year. Thats my goal. What's yours?

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Ohio Benefit Bank

Ok. this is going to be a super boring blog to some, but it's something that I am excited about, so I will still share.

 

Here at the church we have realized recently that there is a huge need in our county and surrounding counties. We have a food pantry and clothing pantry that has grew to one of the largest benevolence helps to the families in this county... So needless to say, being the 'phone-answerer' here at the church I am talking to these families on a daily basis. Lately it's been really encouraging to see some of them make decisions to accept the Lord into their lives....

 

But the one thing that I  and many others have realized is that the churches funds can only be stretched so far in the benevolence ministry. And there really is nothing more difficult for me than to tell a family "sorry, we don't have the means to help you."

 

So with all that said, it seems there was a real God-send this past week.

 

Our church was invited to 'The Ohio Benefit's Bank" luncheon. When we received the invite, honestly, I had no clue what it was. It advertised this "benefit bank" as a system that would offer us FREE online access to their benevolence database. So, Pastor Bennett was interested enough to take me, and one other person to the luncheon.

 

When we got there what we found out was pretty cool. Basically the program was offering to train counselors (at no expense to us) to help families in their time of need by assisting them in receiving funds (49 billion unclaimed funds)  in programs like :

-Food Assistance Program

-Health Care Program

-Ohio's best RX (prescription program)

-The Golden Buckeye Program (senior citizens)

-Extra Help for Medicare Part D (low income)

- The Home Energy Assistance Program (HEAP) (electric help)

- Child care assistance

-USDA Child Nutrition Programs (free reduced price lunch for low income families)

-FAFSA applications

- tax preparation (for free)

 

Everyday I talk to families who have no idea where to turn for help when they find themselves in desperate situations. Whether they found themselves in a financially detrimental place recently or over the course of a time. Many don't even know that these programs exist! And for the few that do know about them, many times they find themselves in 50 different offices filling out 50 different applications...

 

So in short- our church is agreeing to be a "OBB site" where families can come to a "one stop shop" and be able to fill out all of these applications (as long as they meet the government  requirements).

 

To me, this is exciting. It's the church actually being the hands and feet of Christ- which is awesome. Instead of giving a pat on that back saying a prayer (although I am not saying that prayer is not a powerful tool) we are actually helping feed and clothe the homeless and the financially destitute in tangible ways! 

 

So next week, me and two other ladies are going to venture to Cincinnati and take our first counselor training course for the OBB! Very exciting! I can't wait to see how God uses this ministry

 

P.S If you think that YOU or your church/ business could also be a part of this, check out the website for more info:

 

http://www.obbservationsswo.blogspot.com/

 

 

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Dear 11-year old me,

Dear 11-year-old Amber,


First off, your going to live to 26 (at least). You know how you think that 26 is old? Well, it's really not. And do you know how you think that you will be a cool meteorologist that lives in New York and has a huge studio apartment?. Well, you aren't, don't and don't. Good news, Mom and Dad are still alive and kicking. But Pepper 'ran away'.. At least that's what mom and dad still says.

You actually live through those really awkward years.. You know, the ones that your in right now? Yeah. You get through it in one piece. Oh, and can you do me a favor and wear something other than that blue flannel next year. seriously. I know the 'grunge' thing will be the style, but you can still have variety. But in any case, you make it through these years, so don't worry.

FYI- when you are 26, the phrases "Cha Ching" and "What's the dealllio?" aren't cool anymore. Oh, and Reba McIntyre never writes you back. So you can quit checking the mail.

Anyway , couple things-you worry too much- geez, just calm down. You freak out over everything. Every little B+. It's OK!! You can have a few of those (trust me, you will). You will be an extreme spaz if you don't lighten up! Don't stress about missing your first dance either. I know it sucks, but you need to go to that game for your sister. Speaking of siblings, you are hard on them. If you don't quit taunting them, they will haunt you with the torture stories that you put them through. No more making Ashley eat grass, Anetta eat mud, or making Alysia believe that you are possessed.. wait- I mean, Don't make Alysia believe that you are possessed in a couple years. Just don't do it! It will mess with her head for years to come! And quit making Nick hit himself with his own fists. Believe it or not, Nick actually gets to be bigger than you. And he is stronger than you. So just stop.

Do I sound like mom? Well, i probably do because you are a mom at 26. Yes, you have a little boy. His name is Avery- like papaw. He's preetty wonderful.. Speaking of grandpa, enjoy your time with him. You will look back and want that time with him. Just sit with him. Let him watch 'The Price is Right' without crying over your shows. When he is sitting out back fiddling with his knife, go out and sit with him without asking for a "my little pony".

Enjoy this time. I know you sit at home dreaming of your future, but don't wish it away. Don't. Your future will come. Your time with family and friends now are important.

Oh- and you have a nephew, Ace, and a future niece Addisyn.You have a pretty awesome husband. You know how you would write in your journal at night about the perfect guy? You would dream and think of all of the amazing movie-like moments that you will have. Well... He doesn't exist.

JUST KIDDING!

He really does. Actually, you will wonder sometimes how lucky you are to have someone that you had assumed was 'out of your league.' But he loves you and you love him. I won't tell you his name- you will figure that out with time. But do me a favor, don't settle. Don't date just anyone. All of your friends are going to date and have heartache, and you will too. But just know, your time will come..

By the way- your a little young for "the talk", but just remember that true love waits. Don't do what your friends do. You will be happy that you waited.

You will like going to church. At 11 years old, I know you find that hard to believe. Especially since grandma and grandpa have to drag you out of bed on Sunday morning. But you will actually be thankful for those Sunday mornings with grandma and papaw. Trust me on this one. Actually when you read this at the ripe age of 11 you have no clue what big choice you will make in a 2 and a half years. But it's a pretty cool one. It will change your life. Your dreams. Who you marry. Everything basically. But don't be scared. You won't regret it. 'He' will guide you.. Who's 'He'? Well- you'll find that out.

Oh- and don't expect to have it all figured out after high school, or college, or even at 26. Your still figuring things out, and that's OK! 'He' will guide you. (I know your wondering 'who the heck is 'He', right?) You actually know that there are some big things that are still awaiting at 26. big things. lots of change. and that's great. Everything will come with time- just trust.

Sincerely,

26 year-old-Amber

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sister wives??

So my newest guitly time sucker is the new show on TLC, called Sister Wives. If you haven't heard about it, it's a reality show that follows the crazy life of a polygamist family. The husband currently has 3 wives and 1 girlfriend. TLC has always been one of my favorite programs so its on frequently, so I was awestruck when I was sitting on my couch half watching one of my favorite shows "19 kids and counting", and half feeding the baby and playing with him when this show started. It's kind of like a train wreck that you want to look away from, but at the same time you have this urge to gawk... so I did.. and wow.

Still a little speechless.

Justin asked me why I was watching it, and I honestly had no good reason other than it was intriguing. It was intriging because I can't imagine as a wife, where you are one of the three or four. As a person who studied counsling once upon a time, I have to wonder what an emotionally drained and jealous world that they live in. And I am also curious how a family with a bizillion kids and 4 wives function... Anyway- thats no real excuse why I wasted my time watching it...

Anyway- the whole show got me to thinking. How awesome would it be to have like 3 other wives in my house?! seriously. I have it all figured out. The other sister wives would work all of the time, at least 60 hours a week, for 7 days a week., and when they were home they would be on cleaning duty, and they would have to be really really ugly..... And they would NEVER I mean never ever touch MY husband or MY baby..ever... or I would pull out a can whooppie..All three would stay in my guest room with bunk beds and could only come out if I gave them permission ..And then I would stay home all day long with Justin and Avery,soaking up sun and taking long vacations, and long walks, and eating fried food, ...???????

wishful thinking? perhaps.

ok. maybe not. I like being a single wife. No siblings needed here. Thanks.

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the healing process

Sorry about being MIA for the past week. Craziness. That's all I can say.

If you haven't heard, Justin was in a work accident where he was badly burned on the entire right side of his body. A pipe blew up with jet fuel in it, and Justin caught the brunt of the flame. This happened this past Thursday about 5:00. That morning before the accident, I happened to forget my phone too.. So when I finally made it home from work around 5:30 I found about 2 million messages on my phone. I called the hospital who would only tell me that "your husband was in an accident at work and was burned. He is awake now and talking." When I asked how severe, or what the details of the situation were they said that they were not permitted to discuss this over the phone. So I was a wreck for the entire hour trip up to the hosptial.

When I finally was able to make it into the burn unit, the burn looked much worse than I had even expected. Justin had a second degree burn that covered his side and the upper half of his chest, toward the bottom of the pants line there was third degree burns. There was also third degree burns underneath his arm and armpit. After seeing the severity of the burns, I was just SO thankful that the Lord was with him. I knew that it could have easily been a worse situation than what it had turned out to be.

Since the accident last week, everything seems to be a blur. I have had little to no sleep with taking care of Avery and Justin. On a lighter note- the sleep deprivation have caused some pretty hilarious stories. Well, actually, before the accident occured the sleep deprivation was already taking a toll on me. Since Avery's teething had went into high gear, he was up all night a couple of nights. One morning when packing my lunch I actually forgot to put meat in my sandwhich. Seriously. Another morning I dropped Avery off at daycare without any bottles. So I ended up having to detour to kroger.

Since everything happened with Justin I have been so tired that my eyes were playing tricks on me. I seriously saw an animal in Avery's room that wasn't there... I freaked out and come to find out it was a basket. Ok, It was around 2am and it was dark. But as clear as day I saw a moving animal. The next night I woke up in the middle of the night and thought that water was running in the kitchen and ran to turn it off and ended up wiping out and gashing my knee.... and it wasn't on. I was in a half dream state... AND then there was a couple days ago when I had to go to CVS to get more meds and seriously past CVS and forget what the heck I was out doing.. When i finally got there, I layed my bank card down and walked out... I am a mess and in need of sleep. Even when Avery was a newborn, I at least had his nap times and day time to catch up... With working full time and taking care of Justin and Avery I am struggling... majorly.

On a praise note, Justin is progressing in the healing process though. He would like to start back to work on light duty on Monday. But we will see when that time comes. We had a grusome Dr. appointment this past monday where they did a scrub to the burns and removed the old tissue. It was probably to most painful thing I have ever ever witnessed. It was painful to watch. But it is just a part of the healing process. Also, some people from the church have been SO amazing. Not only have they kept us in prayer, but we have recieved a dinner every night this week so far. It makes such a difference to have support like that. Not to mention, It makes the load that I have with Justin and Avery a little lighter. And for that I am so thankful. Also, Justin recieved some awesome cards from the Children at the church.. They brought some good laughs going through them. I do not know how a family could get through things like this without the love and support of friends, family, and church family. For that we are so humbled and blessed!!!

If you are one of the friends/ family/ church family that have kept Justin in your prayers- thank you so very much!!!!!!!!!!!

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prayers for Ave

What a weekend indeed.

Usually my monday morning posts are about how awesome of a weekend that I had and I go into details. This monday, not so much. So in case you aren't up to speed with Avery, Around the end of July he literally woke up one morning and was having breathing/weezing/hacking coughing issues. At first, like most people would assume I guessed that it was a virus or something that would pass with time. As a couple weeks past, it seemed to progressivly get worse, and more complications piled on top of the breathing issues. He ended up with pink eye, and sinus infection- both of which were treated and eventually passed. But the breathing issues have remained throughout the past couple of months. Which has resulted in many dr. visits over the last couple of months, tons of antibiotics, steroids, allergy meds, etc. All of which have seemed to do nothing to relieve his breathing problems. And on top of it all- he has missed his 6 month shots because it is not normal procedure to give vacinnes when a baby's immune system is low (or has been on steroids and meds.). And it's perfectly ok with me to not give him his vaccinne, but now the daycare is sending letters home asking that if he does not become current on his shot records that I need find other childcare options. Which puts a huge stressor on top of an already stressful situation.

Ok. So now your up to speed prior to this weekend.

So this past weekend, he went in for his 3rd 6th month well baby visit to see if he could get his vacinnes. I did not expect that he would get them especially being that his breathing issues have not got any better. So the dr. checks him out, writes another 6 prescriptions for him (no joke), and then tells me that I need to get his vacinnes/ flu shot now because the risks of not getting them outweigh the risks of getting them, and with all of the issues that he's had- his immune system is really low and an illness as simple as the flu could send him into the hospital... Talk about hard choices as a parent? I unwantingly gave in and let them give him the shots, meanwhile every logical part of me wanted to scoop him up in my arms and run. I accepted that I may not have the knowledge and capabilities and I needed to trust God and these dr's.. So I did.

That evening around midnight i decided to check on him since I hadn't heard a peep out of him the entire evening. Usually there is at least one time that he wakes and wants to be rocked or fed.. So, I felt his little head and it was burning hot.. 102.5. I freaked. (partially because I know this fever was a result of the vaccinees that *I* consented to). After spending the night on the phone with the dr. His fever finally broke and I was able to get a couple hours of sleep in. I took him to the hospital the next day where they ran some x-rays on him and luckily everything came back fine in the x-rays. But that still leaves us unknowing of what it is exactly causing all of this.

I guess it could be allergies and asthma, but his coughing/ breathing problems are not alleviated at all when treated like plain ol allergies or asthma... SO I don't know, but currently thats the only diagnosis that we have, so we are going to do the best we can.

I guess I am posting this for prayer. If you happen to read this, stop right now and pray for Ave. If it is allergies/asthma, pray that we can find the right meds to help him deal with this. Currently the meds he has taken the past couple of months has had little to no effect on him.
If it's something other than allergies/asthma pray for the dr's and that the Lord would give them the wisdom to figure this out. AND, pray for me and justin. Obviously, it's stressful. Especially as first timers. But maybe the correct answer is to seek other medical advice outside of our county. Maybe I need to ask for a referral. I don't know. I hope that whatever needs to happen, happens soon for little guys' sake!~

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Cuteness

So I ordered this billy goat outfit for Ave's first halloween. I loved it except for the fact that it's light purple. Oh well! Still the cutest billy goat that I've ever seen!!!

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I know you like this...

I've said it many times before, but I will say it again- since having Avery, my views of God have changed dramatically. It seems that every day I am reminded of how much God loves each of us. And not just that, but I can feel a new, deeper love than I ever have before.

But lately, I have been thinking about how I pray. It seems that when I pray, I pray to God as if he has no idea what is going on in my life. I will start off most of my prayers by "Dear, thank you for today and for my family... Soo heres whats going on in my life" and then I will go into detail after detail of every little thing that might be going on. Sometimes I find myself having this false sense of guilt if I forget to prayer about something.

So Yesterday, after making a trip back from portsmouth visiting my parents, Avery just became ultra fussy. He began to yell and scream, and it the midst of his crying spell I sensed that he wanted his blanket, binky, and just to be cuddled. So I swooped him up, grabbed the blanket and binky and sat in his room in the rocker. He instantly calmed down. I sat there looking at him look at me, and thought "isn't it amazing how I could sense his little needs to a detail. He didn't look at me and say 'Mom, I need a good cuddle' but I could feel what he wanted.. Because I know him. I know him better than I know anyone else in the world. I know what his cry for food sounds like. And I know what his cry for a cuddle sounds like. To others, they sounds the same, but to me.. totally different."

It was in that moment that I felt God's presense in almost an ironic tone say to me "I know you like this."

The idea that God knows me like this isn't new. I have known most of my life that God knows me. But as I held my son, and felt him say I know you "like this" my heart was touched because I finally could not only know mentally, but I could feel the type of love that God has for me.

I am realizing, that when I have a heavy burden on my heart I don't need to give him every detail as to what is going on and why I feel like I do. I need to bring Him my heart and attention. He knows the rest. He knows what I need, better than I do. What a blessing it is to know that I don't have to have all of the details figured out?

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ADT, the NON-security System

Have you ever watched one of the ADT commercials. A girl walks in her house when it's dark and rainey outside... She shuts the door, locks it, and turns on the ADT system. And the, BAM theres this crazy dude at the door with a crazy look on his face. He breaks down the door and the alrm goes nuts... And then 2.5 seconds into everything ADT calls and rushes the police over and they save the day... Yeah, pretty convincing right?- NOT.... Ok, so About 9 months ago or so we installed this ADT security system. I did it because A) I was 6 months pregnant and knew that there would be many home alone with a baby nights, B) Justin works night shift (hence A), and C) there were about a half dozen break-ins in the area. FYI: Staying home alone at night watching the nightly news does not help at all.

 

Anyway- so we installed the system and up until last night I had very little to complain about with them. For thoes who aren't aware of the house projects that are going on at my house let me give you a brief little update. Justin has been doing everything short of screaming and crying over wanting to build this extremely high end built in TV stand in our living room. I have been a little more frugal with the funds, so when he would ask to do projects like that I would look at the bank account and find at least 50 things that we could spend our money on that would be a better investment. In any case, when little Avery became the mobile little boy he is, he because quickly interested in pulling cords and pushing buttons (specially on Xboxs and tvs)..... Which led to me finally giving in to this huge tv stand project because it would in essense get all of the wires and cords and electronic devices off of the floor and out of reach of his sticky fingers.... which then led to the "should we paint the wall the same white color or change it up, questions (which he painted it a green) which then led to us having to paint the other 7 walls, yes 7 walls in the living/dining area.... which led to the "why don't we paint the front door since we have got all this painting gear set and ready for action.... SOOO yeah, needless to say our house looks like a hurd of stampeding cattle just took a swift trip though...

 

Anyway- back to ADT..... SO, last night we were in painting mode and Justin decides that he wants to remove the security system-monitor-laser-beam-thing to paint around it. As soon as he did this our alarm goes nuts. So i ran over and turned everything off.. I thought for sure that the ADT peeps would be calling me in 2.5 seconds like the commercial, ya know, but nothing happened, so I figured that it must not have set offf the system. I go get ready for bed, take a bath, get out and pack my lunch for the next day... I'd say a good 45min to and hour passes and then I get a call from ADT with this very official person who says " Mrs. MacQuarrie, we see that your alarm has been set off." I then, inform that "no, it's a mistake...yadda yadda" and get off....

 

After I got off I was like "what the heck?!!" Did they JUST call an hour after the alarm went off??? AND they didn't ask for a password or anything? When we set this whole system up, we had to set a password up so when they called I would say the password and  it would confirm that I was indeed 'Amber MacQuarrie.'... So I could have totally been a serial killer rapist that had us hostage, answer the phone, and be like "it's a mistake!" and all troops are called off!!! man, thats nice... Thats what I am paying 50 bucks a month for people!

 

Rip OFFF! Time to look into OTHER options!  THANKS ADT!!!!!!!!

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That happy feeling!

So this weekend, Labor Day weekend was really great. Really needed too. I am sad that it has past so quickly, but we made some good memories, and were still able to be productive. We went to the caramel festival in winchester. Even though Justin and I have lived in the area almost 3 years, I had never made the trip down. Justin along with some others have always said that there really wasn't much it be seen. But, if you know me, I'm a festival type of girl so after 3 years of begging to make time to look at the Carmel festival I finally got my wish.

 

Most people were right that there wasn't a whole lot of boths or events, but I still loved being there.

 

We entered Avery into the baby show- which turned out to be fun. And he even placed 2nd in the baby show!  Here are some pictures.

 

BTW- Today is super awesome too BECAUSE Megan, my awesome friend has finally had her little Makenna!

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Life with a 6 month old

Well i know that blogging hasn't been as often as I wanted, but it seriously seems like if I blink- 2 weeks have past. I keep putting the blog on my to do list, and at the end of the day the only thing i can think to do is wipe all of the boogies, slobber, dried milk and pee off of me and hit the bed like a corpse. lol... But don't get me worng, I absolutly LOVE LOVE LOVE every single minute of it.

 

I seriously KNOW for a fact that being a full time working mom is THE HARDEST job on the planet, hands down! I have so much respect for all of the mommies out there who work all day to come home to take care of the little ones. But the one thing i do know is that although being a mom can kick your rear sometimes it is THE most fulfilling job I could ever dream of. Avery has brought a love in my life like no other. Avery has changed me! I was talking to Justin the other day, and was trying to explain how Avery has changed me, but the only thing I could say was I feel like my heart can just expode at times. He has made me a big softie!! This new love has helped me see the sacrifical love of Christ in such a new light, and inspired me to seek God passionately.

 

Anyway- I thought I would give a little Avery update.. Yes! my little boy is already halfway through his first year of life. It is so very bittersweet to me. As he grows and his personality is devloping, it doesn't take much to see that he is definatly going to be a onry little boy.

 

The other day I walked into the daycare and witnessed him rolling ON TOP of other babies... When I grabbed him- he just laughed as the other boys cried. Then the following week I walked in the daycare to see him laying down on the baby mat with both of his little hands above his head and in his hands were the feet of 2 little boys who happened to by crying..He was yanking on their legs!.. and Avery was laughing. It was a little funny to see the ornry side of him, BUT I know that I will not be laughing once I give him a year or so. ha ha.

 

Here are some recent milestones:

 

- Avery can now sit up without ANY assistance from us.

- He can do the army crawl, which is hilarious. He can get to any place in the house that he wants with that little army crawl.

- His favorite thing to babble is "ma ma ma ma" ... which I LOVE of course. Justin seems to think that I taught him that and unfairly didn't say 'da da' enough. But what can I do of he's a momma's boy? ;)

-Teething! He still is a little gumby- but there is 4 obvious teeth all coming in at once, which means my full nights of sleep have been few and far between.

- solid foods have been a new adventure. We acutally started him on solids around 5 1/2 months- so he's becoming a pro. We are trying to make sure that he eats EVERYTHING, even then things that we don't particularly love. I know WAY too many picky babies. So our foods can be anything from avacados to sweet potatoes, to asparagus, to squash, etc. etc. So far we have not found anything that the kid won't eat!

 

 

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Trust

Well I am so glad that Friday is here. Not to say it was a long week. It actually felt like it flew by for me being that the 4^th was this past weekend and we all got an extra day. In any case, I so look forward to weekends with Avery and of course Justin too. It just seems that my time with them is so precious to me. Especially seeing how quickly Avery changes from week to week.

Lately I haven't posted a whole lot. And for that, I am sorry. I have had some decisions on my mind and heart that have kinda kept me in a fogged state of mind. I can't start to post without the 'decisions' coming up. So-I thought, what better way to sort through my thoughts than to post them? Although I am not going to go into detail about anything, but what I will ask is that if you read this- pray for me.

I don't mean like "when you are finished and you find the time and IF you think about it-pray for me" "I mean, stop at this very moment and say a quick little prayer."…..

Ok.. are you finished?

The situations are not anything that is completely huge or life altering or anything that is going to hurt me… it's just life being life.. Having adult decisions that every person faces. I just want to make sure that the choices I make today will be ones that I can look back on 5-10 yrs down the road and say "I am glad I did that." With all of the boggled mind lately I have really had to be introspective. One thing that I have realized is that up until this point in my life I really don't know if I had really dealt with the difference between knowing and believing. Like, I know that God has my best interest in heart- it's just, do I believe it wholeheartly? That's so hard to answer honestly! So I am working on believing with my whole heart that God is in control of my life..

I was talking to a friend today about it all, and it just made me think. I remember working on the summer ministry team at CBC and Jim Schroder, the director of the team at that time, was trying to explain the difference between knowing and believing( I am pretty sure that it was Jim).. In any case, the lesson makes a lot of sense to me now.. He took a chair and placed in front of me and he said. "How do you know there is a chair there?" I said "well- I just know it. I can see it. It's there." Then he put a blindfold on me and turned me around and said... Now I want you to fall back in the chair.. Do you believe that the chair is there? I remember being like "I think it's still there." He said "believing takes certain amount of faith and trust. You have to have faith in me that I didn't move it... And you have to trust me enough that you will hit the chair and not the ground if you fall back .......It made sense to me then, but looking back- that little lesson really means more to me now than ever. Because I can look at the situations in my life and be like "oh yeah- I know God's there." But if I am honest-I don't know if the trust/ faith factor is there. If God says- just fall and I will take care of the rest. I struggle with the allowing myself to fall back and lose the control factor..There's always that "what if" moment.

The one thing that I really take comfort in is the fact that I know God knows my heart through and through. He knows every single ounce of me and he knows exactly how I feel and what my desires are. For that- I can rest easier.

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My little squeel monkey

This is Ave trying to communicate through squeels.

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